First off, let me say that if you have the money and/or the leverage (legacy, prof, whatever) to get your kid into a top private high school or Ivy League college AND–this is important–your kid is totally into it and really, really, really wants to go, then by all means, go that route. That’s your choice.
But if sending your kid to that top school requires leveraging your mortgage, your retirement and your time to spend with your family in order to cast your student into a more elite and rigourous climate, I’d think twice. Or maybe three times.
Here’s the thing: you can get a great education in any number of ways, and it doesn’t have to cost a fortune. In fact, those who are willing to be innovative are going to fare well no matter where they head. And it’s worth pointing out that innovation is going to trump “paper power” (brand-name universities, top GPA/SAT scores, number of AP courses taken) at the end of the day. Sure, that first job (or two) out of the Ivy might be higher up the scale than those of the state-school classmates, but after that, things have an interesting way of shifting.
If what you want for your student is creatively challenging work that becomes lucrative as well as fulfilling, then those student loans might be the biggest obstacle of all.
The Wall Street Journal published an article and an accompanying page packed full of interesting comments from those who’ve attended Ivies, private schools, and public schools. It’s fascinating to read the comments from parents and students and to see how easily it is to get caught up in doing things the “right” way without even considering any creative options.
Fear–and ego–tend to get in the way of creative thinking. 
Check out the comments here.
2 Comments
December 6, 2007 at 7:22 am
While I think you have some valid points, I must say that I disagree with your argument that private high-schools and Ivy leagues are not worth the time. Sure, if a student doesn’t make the most of a top education, then they/their parents shouldn’t pay the big bucks for it. And of course I agree that school is what you make of it-to a point. But for those students who are motivated enough to learn from a private education, specifically high-school, then I am all for private education. Hundreds of studies have shown that smaller class sizes benefit students in more ways than one-more individualized attention from the teacher, more intimate discussions, more creativity and flexibillity on the teacher’s part, the list goes on. All of these componenets are ones that will be hard to find in public school these days, seeing that class sizes have exploded and teachers are in over their heads with the amount of students they are teaching, which substantially limits the amount of creativity they can incorporate into the classroom. But maybe schools should just be teaching students the basics-and not how to create tenable arguments and engage in sophisticated, intimate conversations- like how to read, write, etc. But when studies come out that show that over fifty percent of graduating high-schoolers in the United States are illiterate (at 18 years old) then I’m sorry, but I think that goes to show that our public system isn’t exactly fulfilling the needs of our students.
And as far as a parent’s ‘ego’, as you put it, goes, I think that public school programs such as “TAG” (Talented and Gifted) fuel parent’s egos just as much, if not more. After all, who’s kid isn’t talented and gifted in one way or another? I’ve personally always felt that programs such as TAG were created for the students, not the parents.
When it comes to schools, you just have to find what’s right for your child, and they have to take responsibility and run with the education they receive. I don’t exactly think that providing a child with a more intimate class setting with more indivualized teaching is a crime.
Teenagers-and adults- are enamored with personal websites such as “Facebook” and “Myspace”, where they can write about themselves and post pictures, updates, etc, and I think those types of sites are a lot more egotistically satisfying than providing your child with a sound education.
Before you start criticizing other parents and their choices to provide their children with what they believe is a strong education that will better prepare them for college and beyond, then I suggest you take a hard look at what ‘ego’ really means.
-R.M.
Wisconsin
December 6, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Hi Rosie,
Thanks for your comments.
I certainly agree that small class size can contribute to the quality of any student’s education, and there is no crime in wanting that for your child. I also agree that you have to find the right fit and take responsibility for ensuring that your child is getting the kind of education that will encourage personal development and learning.
I totally agree with you about TAG being a program that caters to parental ego. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t offer good learning opportunities for kids (if they’re lucky enough to be in a good program).
And as the mother of four daughters, I hear you on the Facebook and MySpace issue: these sites are driven by ego more than anything else.
But here’s where I disagree: I am not “criticizing parents for making choices to provide their children with what they believe is a strong education.” Not in the slightest. I am ENCOURAGING that. But I also recognize that ego plays a big role in parental choices for their kids’ education–whether the parents recognize it or not–and this can severely limit the possibilities as well as increase the anxiety of the college prep process.
You don’t have to be an ego-maniac to push your kids to get into an elite school. Maybe you just want the best for your kid and that’s what you believe will be the best. My point is that we don’t always look at what’s truly best for our kids–we look at what OTHERS are doing and telling us and use that as our measure of what is best.
There’s a reason the rankings of colleges (read my post on this!) increase the applications at the top schools–we look to others to help us choose. But doing what everyone else does isn’t necessarily the best option. If we can relax enough to look at the possibilities, we might find some unexpectedly outstanding options that might be even BETTER for our kids.
Unfortunately, as long as we are fearful and allow ego to creep in, we’ll never open our eyes or get creative (or bold) enough to step off the traditional path.
If playing the ooh-pick-me game is okay with you and your student, there’s no need to feel bad about it. You’re free to make your own choices and compete in any way you like. I am simply encouraging everyone to be aware of the way that certain elements–such as media, fear, and yes, ego–may influence our decisions.
Thoughts?
Best,
Maya